It's true babies absorb the time which you could be throwing energy into literally countless other commitments. And when you're solo mum managing your baby all on own, you have your buttons pushed.
You will be tested.
But the secret joy of childrearing is for me, that it makes the quiet time so so sooo much sweeter.
Being a solo mum is damn fulfilling. The dread I had felt every 8pm in my not-so-distant past, has completely vanished at some unknown moment I cannot pinpoint during this last year. I don't feel the existential, nagging, shaking and horrible emptiness that seized my heart and told me art was 'gone'.
Because my art isn't gone.
Instead nowadays at 8pm you'll find me on my sofa with bubs passed out alongside me. I maybe mindlessly blog, or maybe mindlessly check chats, or put some lines down on my animations and paintings, or maybe mumble along to Spotify on my smart TV if I'm feeling musical, but that's all the good life for me.
Despite the hectic mum life, I yearn to keep making art. I'm glad keeping up art is completely do-able. You don't have to abandon your main passion by becoming a mum, but you do have to be careful about what extra obligations you agree to from here on out!
Ever since bubs was born, then I went back to uni to finish my last semester part-time, it has been absolute madness in terms of managing my creative/emotional energy and time. Especially whilst 'grandpa' is travelling, as not having a single babysitter available for a week when you're a solo mum means you really can't expect to catch a break...
So much extra junk I agreed to on a whim, simply because I thought something sounded fun, is now something I severely regret ever agreeing to.
My enthusiasm for random events and projects barely lasts for a week regarding most shit I've jump at. I often abused myself and thought it was because I never finish anything.
But then again, I am finish looping animations, I am finish zines, I finished my Bachelor of Arts degree?
The truth is, you can't do a billion projects at once. I am just maturing and balancing out. I don't take on too much lately because my baby is at the forefront of my mind. I'm more mature in managing my emotional energy/time and finding out what is the best use of my time, but yeah I am still prone to jumping at some whims.
I bravely proposed to organise the Global Game Jam for Adelaide next late January, only since I know local people distinctly said they can't be stuffed to organise it anymore. I won't complain further as they may read this, but TDLR; I am trying to host the GGJ only in case a handful of South Australians such as myself want to have the choice to participate next January. They deserve to join a local jam site if they feel like it.
It's a community service to have it available for South Aussie devs.
Therefore, I won't feel embarrassed if only even two jammers actually do the Adelaide GGJ in the end. I won't feel bad. Because I want to maybe make a 2D animated game. Not pixel art fellas, but my full animated TVPaint style. Something interesting.
But I am not overthinking, getting stressed and killing the fun with anything I do anymore. I don't have enough 'spoons' in the cutlery drawer, as the youngsters say!
I am trying to instead, commit to only super creative and/or social events from here on out. I am not interested in networking, studying masters/honors/whatever, or really even attempting to barge my way into any artistic industry. Especially the smhoozing, as I never liked that tactic to begin with.
But hey, if you like my animations, I'm here! I'm a full-time mum with a big time passion for animating. Always have been, nothing new about that. I highly doubt foofah whatever studio recruiters value my unique life experience and current work, but it hasn't kept me from creating. I am not even considering working right now, I just animate for myself because it's a part of me.
My 'garden' LoopdeLoop has become more of an annoying struggle the longer I've worked at it, but I haven't had the braincells to solve every hard part of the animation all at once.
Art is a marathon, as I've said countless times before. Not every day is full of eureka moments. You just gotta put in some little effort every day, and putting down some little lines every day the best habit you can ever have.
I had a hectic Saturday where I drove bubs and my ass across town and back for an event. Also my new home already looks like a bomb hit it and I don't want to be a slob anymore. I prioritise getting into helpful clean habits, and adjusting to this life.
Ah, I've wasted 20 precious minutes blogging! But bubs had been restless all morning and my brain direly needed a rest. So here's some doodles from Glenelg Cibos yesterday.
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