Yesterday I moved into my own home with my baby daughter. Not an apartment and not a unit either, but a gorgeous little house in a great neighbourhood.
I had been living with my dad for years, ever since life alone in my unit post 'accident' had become unbearable.
But things couldn't be more different now.
I had wanted my own independence for awhile, but moving out wasn't a priority, I didn't feel ready until lately.
Dad unearthed my box of cherished Touhou and Berserk figurines. I honestly had thought they might've been thrown in the trash years ago, and that I'd never see them again - but nope! They had been waiting patiently in the dust and darkness of dad's garage.
Not gonna lie, my mental health had been so poor that I never thought I'd see the day when I'd live on my own ever again. But a lot of things have changed with trying. Pain does fade if you keep trying to make room for happiness and healing. To be honest, more than the expensive therapists I wasted time with, I took accountability at long last for improving my mind through my own daily exposure therapy.
I started first by trying new mediums. But when my heart yearned to draw, I reminded myself I needed to overcome the self-loathing holding me back from loving art again. So I would make low pressure drawing. Pen scribbles done at school or on train only. I didn't try big projects or late at night. I tried pixel art, which is far easier. Every day, I must've become less self critical. Less self-loathing. Everyday, I started to show myself more kindness and remember that I've endured things nobody else understands. All I could do was love myself, more than I ever had, actually. Love helped me find inner confidence and happiness to know that my life is beautiful and I'm happy to be here.
The photos of the shelves below aren't really just a Berserk shrine. Nor is it even a 'nerdy things I like' shrine including other comics and Touhou. Instead, it's just a corner of the house devoted to my most inspirational objects and texts, because those are my unfinished sketchbooks on rotation on the lefthand side (closest to Femto) I am stuck with clunky IKEA furniture for now, but it's a start.
I like seeing the various shapes and sizes of sketchbooks, it inspires me to grab one and go - to follow where my creativity takes me. Berserker Guts Figma which I had hand carried back from Japan unfortunately had his right arm twisted out of the joint by me when I was unwell. I'll superglue the poor guy so he can at least wield his Dragonslayer again!
I told myself I would never setup Femto after having bubs, because the base of the statuette is a big red Behelit with one massive creepy blue eye.
Call me a bad mum, but I couldn't resist!
I accepted being a mum doesn't mean becoming boring - so I turned the horrific eye side away against the wall, where bubs could never see it. It's up very high anyway. Out of all the things a parent could do to mess up their kid, having one sexy purple chicken man on display in the corner isn't that big a deal in the scheme of things.
I'm inspired to make this home truly special. Need to paint murals on walls and grow more pretty fuchsia bougainvillea on the lattice the courtyard (there's some growing there already but I want moar)
It doesn't have to look like an IKEA site inspiration image, those sets are not actually lived in, but it needs to suit my massively creative lifestyle. (the amount of craft stuff I have is obscene. it needs to be used)
I'm more than old enough to finally learn some homemaking skills. I admit, I have been a massive slob wherever I lived in the past, but this time, with my own home, I am going to take cleaning seriously, to be a better role model for my little girl.
This is still a massive WIP in terms of unpacking, but I kind of want a focus on red and blue in my house, it is somehow ending up that way naturally. Anyways, I hope you enjoy my studio/study space in-progress pics! Its has potential.
And bonus faeries in the garden! They had sat unused in a box for 10 years, so finally they get their time to shine.
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